Malloch heading from city to sunshine

Malloch's stock photo
SYDNEY, NSW – Sydney-based public relations consultant and Church by the Bridge regular, Dylan Malloch is moving to Brisbane effective 17 December 2012 it was announced today.

Addressing a contingent of shocked reporters outside Sydney’s Queen Victoria Building, Malloch announced his relocation and confirmed the move had been weighing on his mind for some time.

After five years of what Malloch described as ‘good times’, he confirmed his desire to search for sunshine, affordable housing, new cycling routes, and a shorter commute to Noosa.

“It’s with a heavy yet excited heart that I announce my move to Brisbane,” said Malloch, who lived in Brisbane from 2006-7.

“My time in Sydney has been characterised by fun, frivolity, and lame jokes.  I’d like to thank all the friends I’ve made here for their love, support, and laughter at my lame jokes.”

Sources close to Malloch confirmed he had been contemplating a move back to Brisbane for the past six months.

“He was really keen to come back.  He knows Brisbane is the most awesome place to live and, let’s face it, he was a bit of a muppet to ever live in Sydney,” said Geoff Brown, a Brisbane-based personal trainer.

Taking time out from his busy campaign schedule, United States President Barack Obama commented on Dylan’s move by expressing shock and uncertainty.

“Who are you talking about?” asked the President before being whisked away by minders.

Malloch has secured housing in the Brisbane suburb of Bald Hills and will be working in Brisbane’s CBD.

Australian cricket captain, Michael Clarke, when queried about Malloch’s move by journalists at yesterday’s official season launch, replied “huh?”


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